I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
