I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
