Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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