the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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