the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
