hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize