So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
