If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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