i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
