I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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