everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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