Pregnant stripper...not hot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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