so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
