I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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