Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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