my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
