woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
