You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dear god my vagina.
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