Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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