is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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