if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
