I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
