Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
