we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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