sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
