I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
