Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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