i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
