Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
