it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This house was built for laser tag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
