This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
