You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
