I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
