i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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