come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
