FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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