Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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