i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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