My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didn't notice because vodka
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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