a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
