try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
