I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
