it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
