Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
