im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
