Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
