all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
