Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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