I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
