she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
