I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
