If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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