I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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