I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
