I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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