go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Everything about him screamed your future.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
