Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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