Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
