Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
