Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
