My liver just broke up with me...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
