i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
