Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
